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Stephanie Howell has an awesome challenge on her blog called Blog Your Heart. Once a month write a blog post from the heart. Pretty simple, right? I love the idea, so I'm taking the challenge! I'm all for being honest and sharing... so here it goes.....
1. I often feel inadequate around the other mothers of kids in my children's classes. I feel as though I am not good enough to be their friend, talk to them, get to know them or have my children play with theirs. I'm not sure why this is. It probably stems from my issues with being a single mom. I know I have a boyfriend, but the kids' dad doesn't live with us. Yes, I know this is more normal nowadays, but there just don't seem to be many single parents or dating parents as my kids' school. So I feel different. I should just get past this and get over myself. I'm working on it.
2. I hold resentment and anger towards my mother. I have felt this way for years now. It would take to long to go into in this post, so I won't but it's bad. I wish I could bring myself to feel differently. But I can't . I get along with her, but there are still those ugly feelings and hurt from things of the past that I can't seem to get over. I hope that one day I will.
3. I am starting to doubt the existence of God. It is a recent thing. I took Bible studies up until a few months ago and thought that I was doing better. I'm not. It's hard. I want to find something I can have faith in, but I can't. It's hard to imagine that God would let so many bad things happen to wonderful people. I'm not talking about myself, but just others, some that I know, some that I don't. I guess if you believe you would say the devil is at work, right? I was raised very religiously, so it's hard for my parents, especially my Dad to comprehend that I would have doubts about God. It makes it hard to tell my own children that there is a God when I, myself have doubts.
These are going to be my shares for this month. Thank you so much for reading. I will post some more from the heart next month... which is just around the corner!
5 comments:
Seriously, I could have written this! WOW WOW WOW!! I had no idea we had sooooo much in common!! I TOTALLY feel you on #1.... I was a single Mom with Adam for 8 years before Brian/Brookie came along and wowwwwwwww... it was hard around other Moms... I totally get you girl... {{{hugs}}} :)
Wow, you are brave. I have seen this challenge and I feel not quite ready to share so much. I work with young children, and I have seen different families. And the most important thing is for children to have any adult love and care for them. I hope you can feel that way too.
Thanks for sharing.
I can relate so much to all you are saying...in every instance. I love how you are sharing your heart so honestly...that really helps others to know they aren't alone. Even as a (now...I was a single parent for a while, so I get you) married mom of 3, I feel uncomfortable in the crowd of moms, I just don't feel like I fit in; nor do I feel compelled to try and do so. I've always hoped that doesn't have an effect on my kids. I know too, that some of my oldest daughters behavior issues in the past have caused people to question my parenting too, and that just hurts.
And, I too have had a recent crisis of faith. It happens. You aren't alone.
I"m always here for you, if you ever want to talk. You are a wonderful person, Em. <3
Single mums are fairly common in my son's school but I bet you all the money in the world that many of the mums around you feel exactly the same. I've spoken to so many friends about the whole "school gate thing" and most of them felt uncomfortable about one thing or another. We always feel like we have to "fit" as women and especially as mums and actually is doesn't matter as long as the children are okay. As for faith, well I'm a non-believer anyway I'm afraid but I did hear someone say something about the value of faith being tested and that if it was easy then everyone would "get in" (I assume heaven etc) so I think its only right that people have a pondering time about their beliefs now and then. Hugs to you xx
thank you so much for being brave enough to join in. and i have to tell you, i feel very similar to you around other moms and i'm not a single mom. :) xo
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