When you find out you are pregnant, everyone is so excited when you tell them, and you get this little bag full of goodies and freebies at the doctors office. Well, when you find out you suffer a
miscarriage at my doctors you get a book. And of course an I'm sorry for your loss. I can't read right now... all I want to do is cry. I am so angry with myself for telling everyone that I was pregnant... it was just to soon. But I had two previous healthy pregnancies... I had never experienced this before. But here I am. I lost my baby at 5 weeks 2 days. Everything will pass on it's own and all will be as it was before. I don't feel that way though. I feel empty.
Has anyone else experienced the loss this early in a pregnancy and can tell me something other than I am sorry, and that it will really get better? Do you ever forget? Do you get past it? Please, tell me.........
I'm sorry for the sad stuff. I just have to get it out there before someone asks me how things are going with the pregnancy, and I have to relive it again.
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36 comments:
Oh Emily.
I know how you feel. I had an early miscarriage too, it was my first pregnancy, 9 years ago.
All I can say is that you do get passed it in time, but it will never leave you, I am crying typing this as my memories return. But I now have two beautiful boys, that I may not have had if my first pregnancy had gone to plan, everything happens for a reason.
My thoughts are with you.
Special Hugs
Penni
X
hun i dont know how it is for you as i am 13 however my mum has had 5 miscarriages and i know that she never has forgotton however cherish thoise lil babies you already have i am sure it will get better my mum had a baby 4 years ago after having 5 miscarriages xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Emily,
I have had 3 1st trimester miscarriages. I remember each one. I don't think I'll ever forget them. The heartache the each one brought has lessened but it took time. I had a miscarriage, boy, miscarriage, girl, miscarriage. My children are what helped ease the pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you want to talk you can email me anytime.
lots and lots of virtual hugs for you, Em. i'm very, very sorry. it breaks my heart when friends/acquaintances (even from this little online world) go through such a painful experience.
lean on everyone who will let you. and you aren't expected to be strong, girl. eventually you'll get through it, with lots of love and support from those around you.
---Karmyn
I am so very sorry. I lost my first baby. I would not have my oldest daughter if I hadn't. It does get easier with time. Take it easy and take care of yourself. ((Hugs))
((((((((((Emily))))))))I'm sorry for your loss. As an Emergency room nurse, I come into contact with alot of women having miscarriages. I always tell them...its nothing you did wrong and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it.
It will get better with time. I had a miscarriage at around 6 weeks with my 2nd pregnancy. While it was upsetting at the time, especially as I had told alot of friends that I was pregnant, it has become a distant memory now. Everything happens for a reason.....and I went on to get pregnant again...and that baby is my dearest daughter Emily, who just turned 15.
Chrissy
My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I started bleeding at 7 1/2 weeks, the doctor I went into did an ultasound and saw the heartbeat and the sack and said let's wait and see if it takes(didn't see her again). Well three days later I miscarried. My second pregnancy started the same way 7 1/2 weeks I started to bleed and went to a different doctor who told me one out of three are miscarriages and I already had mine so we were going to have this baby,(love him). My progestrone level dropped and would try to start my period in the second month. I have a great 13 year old son and 6 year old daughter. You wont forget it but you do cherish the ones you have and realize it truly is a miracle of life. Aren't we lucky we are the ones who get to expeirence this, I feel sorry for men who don't get to.
Hi Emily
I can't begin to imagine how you feel hun, never having gone through this myself I can only offer you a massive virtual (((((hug)))))) and hope that you find a small comfort in knowing there are people here in blogland who care.
Take care
Anne x
Oh hun hang in there. I've had two, one early and one much later. It hurt sooooooo bad, I felt like I would never get over it. I'm so lucky that third time was a charm for me and I now have a wonderful 7 year old, even if I know I now can't have any more. Love the ones you have, hug them close. They will help you more than you can ever imagine.
You never forget that little one how old they would be etc but it is in a warm way that you remember them. I find that my faith really helped me at this sad time as I know all God children return to his arms of love, some children are just so special they don't need the trial of this earth however, we will always learn something from this tradgedy and it is (may only be 5 weeks) but this is your child none the less and you have feelings for him/her it is sad.
Love Dawn xx
em, i am not going to tell u i know what u are going through, cause i don't. i AM sorry, adn hope you get past this. if you need an ear, give me a call, anytime! that's about all i have, but it may help! big hugs girl!
Hi Emily, I too know how you are feeling right now, I have had 2 miscarriages the first was my first pregnancy lost at 15 weeks and the 2nd was an early on on my 4th pregnancy lost at 6 weeks. I was very young with the first one and i must say as with both i will never forget them but it does get easier with time. I think the fact that we have had healthy babies inbetween does help. I had 2 babies after the first loss my daughter is special needs and i had healthy baby boy 18 months later. 3 years ago i lost my 4th at 6 weeks and i was devastated, i was totally irrational and could not understand it " it doesnt happen to people like me" is what i said and then when i had calmed down i thought to myself.. this must have happened for a reason and it must have been a good reason. We will never know but we decided to presume it was a boy and called him bam bam lol. 3 yrs on and we now have another healthy boy. It does get easier darling.. my thoughts are with you, take it easy, take some time out but most of all take care of yourself.
Love n big hugglies
Vikki xx
aw sweetie i cannot ease your pain and i do know how your feeling i lost a full term baby girl (bethany ) she was 1 & 1/2 hrs old..to hold her..to love her to touch and cuddle her... then only to pass her over to the nurse was the hardest and cruelest part to handle but with time what once was is no more..life is cruel and your emotions are all over the place .. your hormones are mixed but you did nothing wrong..it wasnt your fault ..and im sure you wll go on to have another pregnancy and have a bundle to love and cherish i think of bethany and cry wondering what she would have become...but all my life i will never forget my baby girl....it eases with time lean on your friends they will not desert you.they will support you they might not give you the answers you want but ..as they say when the whole world seems walks away a true friend walks in...you take care take things a day at a time you cant dismiss this pain give yourself time...you cannot rush these events they take time sweetie....cyber hugs and tender thoughts...love sassyxxxx
Emily, I am sorry to hear this news. It is devastating for the mum and everyone else involved. I was expecting twins and at about week 14 lost a twin with my first pregnancy. With my second pregnancy I lost another twin but about 12 weeks. I do now have a 16 year old and a 12 year old but should either have two 16 year olds (as we'd only planned on 2 children) or a 16 year old and two 12 year olds. You don't ever forget but the way to cope is not to blame yourself and that it happened for a reason. In time things will look better but in the meantime take as many virtual hugs as you want. Thinking of you, Kym xxx
Hi Emily!
Feel bad for hearing that.
My bff just had a miscarriage on Friday at 12 weeks. Its such a blow to your mind and body, even as an outsider looking in.
All I can say is some of our biggest blessings in come in the smallest forms.
Hugs for you, you will rise above, after you , you are a woman!
take care, Melissa
Em...I honestly don't know what to say as I have never had this experience...just know we all love you and send you love and hugs and pray for healing for you and your family...please just holler if you need anything...i am so sorry for your loss.
Lesley
Oh sweetie, I am soooo sorry for your loss!!! I have not experienced this so I can't even begin to know how you feel. From my understanding though you need to go through the grieving process still.
I've already seen several people say "everything happens for a reason" and yet while I believe that, it doesn't make your pain go away. Especially when you don't know or may never know what the reason is.
Hold on to your family and friends and lean on them during this time of grief. Maybe scrap a page with journaling (hidden if need be), something to help remember your child and in the process help your grieving process.
Big, Big HUGS!!!!!
dear, sweet, emily ~ although i dont have answers and ill try my hardest to keep in the *im sorrys*, i havent had to go through what you are at this moment,,, i simply want you to know that you are an amazing person, you have an over whelming heart and thats just what i get by knowing you through this crazy blog land,,, time does heal, but doesnt forget ~ its true. i pray that you never have to go through this again,,, and i promise ~ i AM very sorry,,,, keep smiling and be true to yourself ~ take whatever time you need and reconnect with yourself ~ we as moms all tend to lose ourselves and sometimes it takes hard times to find ourselves again. be strong and know that you have so many friends that care and are very sad for you,,, please, take care of yourself. we love you!!!!
{xoxo}
Em - many hugs and prayers going out to you and Keith right now. Take care of yourselves and know that you are loved and thought of from so many around the world!
My sweet Em...I am thinking of you at this difficult time...My prayers are with you at this time..give Keith a big hug too and a triple big hug to you. I too had a miscarriage..you will get past this...as everyone says...time...
I am so sorry. I also had a miscarriage at 5 weeks and 1 day. I think about it nearly every day but it is easier somehow. I don't have any other children. I'm now 36 and a little scared about the clock running out.
Email me if you ever need an ear...
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a 13 year old and I wanted to try one more time for another child. I conceived, went to the doctor, and then told the family. I was about 6 weeks along. Two days later I suffered a miscarriage. I was very sad at first but as time passed I got less sad and cried less. You never forget but it does become easier.
oh emily, i am really sorry! i don't have children now, but my best friend lost her baby last year in week 11. she was really down, but life goes on. now she's pregnant again - week 20, everything looks good. i really hope you have the strength to get on and please don't give up!! special hugs to you, manuela
OH hun, I don't know exactly how you feel, but I have been trying for nearly 5 years & I've had a couple a times where I was over 2 weeks late & really started to feel pregant & then came on my period. I was totally heartbroken I felt empty too.
Also my sister was just like you about 2 months ago, she has 2 lovely girls (3 & nearly 5) & had just told everyone she was 11 weeks, went for a scan cos of some spotting & found she had miscarried & had to stay in hospital. My mum told her that she believes that it is best (although awful obviously) to loose it, because she believes if you had gone full term it would have been disabled or ill or something not nice for the baby. My mum also had a miscarrieage after her first 2 & then got me!! This made my sister laugh so I hope it does you too!
I know it doesnt help the emptiness which you are feeling, & I can see on my sisters face she still feels it now.
I believe & I have to also for my own sanity, that things happen for a reason, & the reason you lost your baby must be a good one like the reason I cannot get pregnant.
I hope this helps, I'm crying now!
Helen x
My heart goes out to you sweetheart. I lost 2 many yrs ago. Memories never leave you. Mine would have been 21yrs and & 19yrs now. I named them both even though I never held them, I loved them all the same and know that one day I will meet them again. I am a true believer that these things happen for a reason and believe that God chooses our babies as Angels. Even though we do not see this at the time. I know my 2 beautiful children are with me in spirit, where they do not hurt or suffer pain in this 'our world' today. I take great comfort in knowing that they were so very special to be taken so they may grow in Gods Kingdom.
I pray that God and Angels will minister peace to your heart and comfort you in your weakest moments. Allow yourself to grieve. You didn't do anything wrong. In time you will see this. We all cope differently.
I am sending you lots of love & hugs.
Lisa.xxx
aka Allissa
I can't in all honestly say I know how you feel, because I think we all handle things differently
I did have an early miscarriage when I was 17 - I was in the Air Force at the time and I actually looked at it as a blessing because I didn't have to make a decision - it just wasn't meant to be
what I will say, and I do hope you take some comfort from it is this... everything happens for a reason
I'll be thinking of you
xx
So sorry. I know how you feel. I had a few early miscarriage too, it was my first pregnancy, 20 years ago. It does get easier with time. Now I have two beautiful children - my son and daughter. Take it easy, take care of yourself.
Hugs, Elena
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I will say a prayer for you.
Dear Emily, my heart goes out to you...I have just sat and read through every comment that has been made to you....I too lost a baby at 11 weeks - a boy...he was our first and so very wanted....the physical side is one thing...but the heart....we feel it on so many levels...not only has a precious baby been lost but with it hope and dreams....I know you are hurting and you will for some time I am sure...there will be waves of incredible saddness that comes over you when you least expect it - does it get better, yes...the pain eases....slowly....time does heal the hurt...but the memory and love you had for that baby will always be there! I know without a doubt that our baby boy, Tyler, knew he was loved from the time he was concieved - he never heard it with his natural ear but his heart certainly did!! Emily, this I know...that you can't lose something when you know where it is....your baby is in heaven...this I know for sure - our loss is heavens gain.
My DH sat and wrote a tribute to our son...it helped him deal with the loss - I am happy to email it to you if you would like to read it - I am sure it would touch your heart - it is so very beautiful!!! God bless you Emily - I will be praying for you....please know...you have many friends online and off, I am sure! Like everyone else - I am happy to talk with you - just email me!! I will be praying!!! {{{HUGS}}}
Big hugs to you. My daughter lost one very early in her first pregnancy as well. She decided or felt it was a boy and named him. She still thinks of him and remembers him but also knows he is in heaven and she will see him again.
As a mother and would have been grandmother I will never forget that day either.
You need to grieve and like the others have said you will never forget but you will continue on.
Also, know that many of your scrappy friends have you in their thoughts and prayers.
As it has been difficult to write, every word like a poison. And I know you're forced to write to us.
Just for us.
Emily, I'd like to shake you in my arms, trying to console you. You listen in shaking hands, like a friend. But I'm too far.
But Keith will be a better comfort than I, and up there, a little angel watching over you both.
Your family grows, I am sure, very quickly. You got what I did not: the hope and possibility. Remember that! big hugs!
Fabienne.
You will never be the same Em. No matter how small he or she was, no matter how brief a time he/she was with you, that child was a part of you. The tears will subside but the hole in your heart will never fully heal. I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your broken heart and for the safe arrival of your child into the loving embrace of God's open arms.
Emily, I am so sorry for your loss. I too, lost a pregnancy early. We actually went in for the ultrasound at 9 weeks and with everyone eagerly awaiting the heartbeat, we were only seeing an empty sac. I had to wait another 4 weeks until I actually miscarried and it was the hardest time of my life. My heart goes out to you... you will never forget this baby, because it is a baby. No matter how early on you were, it was still a baby. I actually made a little scrapbook about my loss and named the baby and all. It was just my way of dealing with it. Another pregnancy won't replace the one you lost, but know that it can be ok next time. I am pregnant with my fifth child now, three of them since the loss. God bless and don't feel like you have to hide your feelings...your friends are there for you in joy and sorrow.
There has been much good advice given here. Time will heal your hurt a little - but you will never forget. I've had 3 miscarriages and I found the best therapy for me was to write in my journal - thoughts no one else but me could see. It was the only place I could go without someone telling me "how" I should feel - or that it was silly to be sad over someone I'd never met. I needed to get my hurt, sorrow, grief, and even anger out of me... maybe it would work for you too? Just don't hold it in!
So sorry Emily...I know exactly what you are going through, I went through two miscarriages, the last one just last January. I was 8wks 3days, we had also told everyone, we were all excited..it was my second pregnancy, my other child is almost 16yrs old...so this was a very exciting thing for us. Sadly it was not meant to be. I was devastated, missed almost a month of work, I couldn't stop crying, everything made me cry. No one knows what you are going thru unless they themselves have experienced it. You will always remember the baby that never was, but it does get better. Everyone kept telling me that they were sorry, but they didnt understand that I would never hold that baby in my arms, and I wanted that little one so bad...but it does get better. And if its any encouragement I was pregnant again April 2008, and now have a beautiful baby boy. I know it doesn't make it right..but I really do hope you feel better soon.
Cry as much as you have to, its ok to mourn your baby.
Take Care,
Monique
Simply Scrapping Friend
Hi emily,
I've only just come across this post. I know exactly how you feel. We tried for a long time to have our first baby (now 7) then I had two miscarriages within a year. The first was at 10 weeks and I was relatively pragmatic about it because I knew things didn't feel right . The second was at 16 weeks and was a whole different ballgame. That was almost 6 years ago and I still think about it every xmas (Dec 12) and I still work out how old she would have been. We had an autopsy done so they told us it was a girl.
After that it took a long time to have more children but we did. We know have three boys and I'm satisfied. It does get easier and yet it's always there. I feel exactly the same as Penni in your first comment.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Sorry for rambling on a bit.
Donna
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