Out of the Darkness

Out of the darkness there will eventually come light. I tell myself this whenever I am having one of those days where it feels like everything is falling apart. About a week ago, I had a day like this. It was really rough, and I physically lost it on some of my own artwork. I am fortunate my children weren't around, but it was still scary. I have never actually hurt anyone, nor do I want to.... I tend to take out my anger and frustrations on artwork that I have created . It's a sad way to lose a piece of work, but I have turned ruined works into better pieces after having a meltdown. These moments always come with an anxiety attack that hits pretty hard. I literally see red and have problems breathing. So you are aware, I have been to my doctor about these attacks. I do have medication that has been prescribed for them. Luckily I don't have these attacks very often, and over the years have been few and far between. They still occur though, and it is good to be aware that they can happen. 

For anyone who is new to knowing me, I do suffer from depression and anxiety issues. I am not afraid to tell anyone this, because it allows you to understand me a little better. And maybe you are a fellow sister in this battle! If so, you can always send me an email if you ever want to talk. It's not easy to live with these mental illnesses. They can make things pretty tough at times. 

Since I often need to take a breath as a meltdown is starting to occur, I created this canvas to remind myself that it will eventually all be over. I incorporated dark and light colors to signify the darkness from which the light will come out of. I have this sitting in my living room currently, since that is where my last breakdown occurred. It will probably move to a different place in the house, but this is a good place to start. 

I did a lot of misting, inking and distressing to this. Vintage book pages from a Thesaurus were used for the background. I chose very negative words that explain my feelings when I am having a breakdown. I used gold to signify the light that will eventually come. It may not make sense to some, but for me, it does, and at this point that is really what matters, right? 

I hope that you are having a great day! Enjoy the rest of it and take care!!!